Eat Pie and Dance

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I took the river taxi to the flower market in Bangkok today. The driver had everyone nervous cuz he kept smashing into the piers. Babies were crying, American newlyweds were gasping. It made me laugh. I really am going native. The market was interesting - who knew there were that many yellow marigolds in the world? All used for the various shrines around town.

I wandered from there to the veggie market (motto: if it's weird looking, eat it) and then down a street where there was a huge crowd. I walked over to see what was going on - everyone was watching some Indian (dot not feather) soap opera on a tv sitting out on the street. Front and center in the crowd was a monk. I guess he's a fan.

Last week I went to Siam Reap in Cambodia to see the Angkor Wat temple complex. My previous knowledge was mostly from the movie “Tomb Raider.” Since I had made my travel arrangements through the American Express service of the American Embassy in Thailand, the hotel in Cambodia thought I was Somebody. I also had an English speaking guide who was OUTSTANDING and a driver! It was real rock star treatment. My guide was intelligent, knowledgeable, kind and patient – all needed to deal with the hillbilly from the US. He indulged my inner history nerd and led me to every corner of the temples. At one point, as I made him repeat some of his information so I could absorb it he said, “Not even Cambodians care about ancient Kings.” We both laughed. What a great person he is.

Today I leave for Chang Mai in northern Thailand. It should be cooler and quieter. Bangkok is a city of 13 million. It also is hellishly hot. Chang Mai is about 150 thousand and I am staying in the old, walled part of the city. I have a day tour to an elephant sanctuary – I want to see elephants in the wild and also get out of my host’s hair for a day.

I return home at the end of next week. Then I will have my laptop, camera and posting ability. Many pictures to come.

Hope all is well with everyone out there.

The monitor lizard and pythons can no longer contain the rat population in the sewers
This is an actual article in the Bangkok newspaper. I am so sticking to the sky train.

I like to start my day with a walk around Lumpini Park which is a hopping place at 6:30am. Monitor Lizards are just some of the more interesting population:

Yesterday Les and I took a trip to Ayutthaya. It was breathtakingly beautiful. It had once been a huge palace and the echoes of a mighty community remained in the ruins. Ayutthaya was quiet and deserted, except for soi dogs and a very loud bird population. We took as pass on the elephant rides for tourists wandered around the ruins for hours.

If it's Sunday, it must be Thailand
It is quite the body shock to go from 17 degrees in Seoul, Korea to 90 degrees in Bangkok, Thailand.
Korea rocked our socks. We had great hosts who insured a great experience. Thank you so much, Henderson Family!
Now - it is good to be hot.
Our home in Bangkok is the uber swanky American Embassy compound. My beloved Miss Peg lives at Brideshead Revisited. This place is all teak floors, incredible art and 10 miles of couches. I counted 40 kitchen cabinets before I gave up. My bedroom has a sit down shower and a bidet.
Sersly folks, Leslie and I have landed in clover. Yesterday we went to Chatuchak Market. Think about 6 football fields filled with vendors from all over the world. The sights, sounds and bargains had us walking around like hillbillies saying ‘goolleee’ about every 10 seconds.
We started today in Lumpini Park. At 6:30am it was hopping – people doing Tai Chi, jogging and swing dancing. I about wore out my eyeballs boggling at the 4 foot long monitor lizards that were swimming in the boating lakes.
The farmer’s market (what an amazing smell we discovered: dried squid) was in full swing, so we bought mangos and sticky rice for breakfast. We were very proud that we made it there and back (one block walk) without getting hit by a car. The traffic here is awesome, plus we were dodging the local free-ranging wildlife - soi dogs. I really didn’t come to Thailand to get rabies shots….
We spent the afternoon at the Jim Thompson house. I’m coming down firmly on the side of Thai silk and Asian artwork in general. Plus – the restaurant was a cool and welcome relief. Food talk: I had half a pineapple stuffed with rice and shrimp. I tried a little of some kind of sauce on a slice of cucumber and my eyes watered for hours. As I sat there choking, the waitress came to our table and helpfully took the sauce away from the table while she laughed at me.
Leslie talked me into my first ever massage. We went to the Lavana spa where two tiny Thai women re-arranged my molecules from my scalp to my soles. It was every bit as good as the first time I kissed Mr. Wonderful. I am so definitely doing that again before I leave Thailand. Leslie and I feel like sophisticated Asian travelers, we managed to navigate the BTS (Bangkok metro) without getting lost. We are as delighted as if we had a successful first day of kindergarten.
We’re back at the palace with a plate of apple crumble. Life is good.

Postcard from Korea
Leslie already wrote a great note - so I will do the lazy thing and post it here for everyone!

Everything about Korea is awesome with (frozen) awesome sauce. We went to a temple called Haeinsa in a southern province, Gyeongsang (nam-do). The scenery was spectacular - we were surrounded by mountains, rice fields and ancestor graves - little round mounds with totems nearby. The sky was beautifully blue.

The Haeinsa Temple houses the Tripitaka Korea, eighty thousand + wooden blocks carved with Buddhist doctrine. Quoting the guidebook it is "A superb feat of craft, patience and devotion".

Since it was sub-artic, we had the place to ourselves. The (freezing) wind blew the bells and wind chimes around. Sometimes we were sheltered by temple buildings, so we could stand quietly and just soak in the beauty of this very holy place.

Afterwards, we stopped for a late lunch at a tiny, tiny tea house where we sat Japanese style on the floor, watching a group of older Korean's playing cards, eating and toasting each other's success. Obviously a group of close friends, they talked and laughed the whole time we were there, which made the excellent meal even better.

+++++++++++

It is still very very very very very cold here in Korea. Yesterday (Wednesday -- remember, I am in the future people!) we drove south to the mountains, and spent the day hiking through a Buddhist temple. It was -7 degrees Celsius, which made for a pretty brisk hike. Despite the weather, it was really breath taking - but I don't know how all those monks walk around barefoot!! I stood huddled in the corner of the temple by the heater watching the monks walk around with shaved heads and nothing but thin robes on. By chance, the only known remains of Buddha were on display at this temple, which is a pretty rare site. So I got to meet Buddha (or what's left of him). It was interesting, but I expected him to be taller.

The weather is really kicking our butts here. I bought an enormous fuzzy green hat with a stuffed alligator (or possibly dragon) on top -- and then saw a toddler wearing the same one 20 minutes later. I may look dumb, but it's warm! And everyone laughs at touches it - this must mean they like it!

Today (Thursday) we will tour the palaces of Seoul, which I hope is a mostly indoor activity. Wearing two shirts under my coat is getting a little old, plus it puffs me up and I can't put my arms down.

Later we plan on taking the whole gang out to dinner at a Korean rib house. There is a tempting Outback Steakhouse across the street, but I think we will skip it. The food in Korea has been wonderful, but the most interesting thing to do is experiment with their version of food from different cultures. I tried a jelly filed donut, which was filled with some kind of purple toothpaste substance. Then the next day I tried what I thought was a mini pizza over a croissant-- it was actually hot dog, ketchup, and a white substance (that I swore was cheese) whose origins remain unknown. It is pretty funny to see how many things get lost in translation.

The driving and personal space concepts continue to baffle me. I haven't yet gotten used to watching the taxis drive up the sidewalk when they don't want to wait for the red light, and I have had a lot of near misses that make me getting hit by that cop car look like a joke. And no matter where I stand, an old Asian lady is right behind me, pushing me out of her way. I've never been shoved so much in my life -- these broads are tough!

Tomorrow (Friday) we will probably spend the day traveling, since we fly out in the evening to Thailand, where it is currently 97 (Fahrenheit) outside. A welcome change!

Greetings from Korea
NOTE: Pictures sometime - not smart enough to figure it out yet!

Our trip got off to a memorable start. Since early morning snow was predicted in DC, we booked a hotel at the airport to save the anxiety of trying to make it to the plane on time with stooped traffic. We were so excited that my Daughter forgot her passport. Mr. Wonderful dropped me off at the hotel and then made the round trip again with the kids to capture the passport. Mr. Wonderful and Evan will never let her live it down.

Historical sidebar: Mr. W has forgotten his wallet as the start to several vacations, so this finally takes the pressure (mocking) off him. The apple does not fall far from the tree.

Snoring away in the hotel room much later, the phone rang. I lurched out of bed not knowing where I was, so imagine a bee bumbling around in a jar and you will know what went on as I tried to find my phone in the dark. It was my cousin in Korea calling. Was I on the plane? “I will be in a couple of hours,” I mumbled into the phone.

An hour later I woke up and wondered if I had imagined it. I checked my reservation. No, we hadn’t missed the plane.

My poor cousin read the arrival time wrong. He had to make the round trip twice to capture us.

Also – it was 14 hours 45 minutes in the air. My ass had calluses and I was sweating, thirsty and miserable. The trip home is 20+ hours and I better get good drugs. Feh

Les and I are staying with cousins in Itaewon. Their ‘hood is rockin! It has lots of shopping, great food and really kind Koreans who are unfailing polite to us hillbillies that grin at everything.

The only downside is that NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE DRINKS COFFEE. It has been well documented that I am a zombie in the mornings, not to mention evol. I have been stumbling down the street at 6:30am (jet lag) in search of my fix. Since it is a balmy 15 degrees Fahrenheit, imagine my charm.

We have visited the National Museum of Korea (beautiful and astounding). There is a ten-story stone pagoda, colossal Buddha’s, and Korean national treasure artifacts. We really enjoyed ourselves with both the exhibits and the people watching. Now might be the time to mention that everyone is beautiful and fashionable.

We also spent a day in retail therapy at both Apgujeong and Insadong. Imagine packed streets, noise and beautiful, fashionable people everywhere. We spent the day outside roaming from shop to shop – pretty amazing considering the temp got all the way up to 20 degrees Fahrenheit. I have a ton of great loot.

Today we went to the DMZ. It was just as scary and interesting a place as I have ever been. The tour guide was wonderful, the soldiers were scary and lunch was SO GOOD. We have had amazing food here – and our hosts are so gracious and kind. It has been really, really fun.

CHRISTMAS PRANK SPECIAL
Happy New Years, flisters!

At my request, my Son has posted his movie about our Christmas prank!

Backstory here:
Other holiday news 2008 – Christmas Eve our good friends continued the fatwa. Historical Note: It started here. Christmas Eve that year they left him with a bottle of wine on our front yard. Last Christmas Eve we brought him back – and upended the lighted deer holiday decorations in their yard and put arrows through the wiring. It was a lovely tableau - The slaughter of the holiday decorations.

This year they cordoned off our yard with crime scene and biohazard tape, drew chalk outlines of Santa and Rudolf and left things on the driveway labeled “CSI”. DM is only a cardboard head with a beard now – but he looked creepy laying on the driveway.

It was really funny – esp. since we noticed because of the crowd of cars and pedestrians in front of our house. The neighbors were horrified. We really do bring down the value of the ‘hood, yo.

The excessively crabby brain dump
I’m so far behind in everything, lj, life, trip prep. Brain dump follows.

Thank Gwad Christmas is over. The combo of being sick and the whomping shitload of snow interfered with present buying and any fun social plans. I was ready for a do-over by mid month. I did have that day-of moment of grace, surrounded by family and friends. Next year I’ll try harder.

If it ever gets posted, I’ll link y’all to video of the huge snake Mr. W and Son built out of chicken wire and Christmas lights. My boyz deployed it with assistance from the other family in on the joke (10 and 5 yr old boys) dressed as ninjas. They positioned it so the huge mouth of the snake was engulfing our friends lighted deer statuary (sersly irresistible target). It had a silver body, green eyes and the red lights made very effective blood-like effects on the deer. This is the sixth year of Christmas prank and the best fun ever.

It should be noted that between casing the joint and deployment, I had to stop and make the boyz pancakes. My Son and the two other kids in on the caper couldn’t go another minute without eating.

Mr. W, my Daughter and Greg the boyfriend have to work both New Years Eve and New Years Day, so no plans around here for ringing in 2010. AND can we just say good riddance to this decade? Around here there was 9/11, two wars, a sniper, two heart problems and other assorted CRAP like my sinus surgery. Feh.

It’s a good thing I usually find the funny – because looking back, the unifying theme of the decade was that it sucked green monkey dicks. I guess it proves how resilient we all are that we made it through and still love each other.

Wow! This was a lot crabbier than I intended. I shouldn’t have written right after my disastrous post Christmas come to Jesus weigh-in. It’s the only time of the year I’m more evol than before 8am.

My Daughter and I leave next Friday for Korea and Thailand. I’m going to be gone for 5 weeks with limited access to computers. I’ll try and post when I can – but every moment in front of the screen means I’m not out seeing something in a place I’ll never be again. I’m sure I’ll have lots of tales to tell when I return.

Finally – A HUGE upside of these last few years is lj and the community of YOU ALL. Thanks for sharing your lives with me.

My Son came home at Thanksgiving and infected my Daughter and I with what turned out to be H1N1 (he’s FINE btw).

We both got secondary infections her: sinus, me: sinus and ear. Blergh. Antibiotics, Gilmore Girl dvds and the Dexter season finale kept us alive.

My ears were so miserable that Monday I had tubes re-inserted in my eardrums (jabby!fun!) to deal with all the fluid and pressure. Since I was already being poked, I got typhoid and H1N1 shots (Doctor said even though I just had flu, I could catch it again. No thanks.) So now, both immunization and ears are cleared for Korea and Thailand.

I was charming during the ear procedure at the doctor’s office and even sweeter at home. Mr. Wonderful has been tiptoeing around me like it was always before 8am. He picked a bad week to use up stray vacation days.

Sheeysh. Between getting sick and getting the shots, I’ve spent the last few weeks charmingly miserable, unconscious or dragging around at quarter speed feeling ancient.

Is Christmas over yet? I swapped out all the fun for sick days and I want a do over.
+++++

It’s bitter cold and starting to snow. In Washington DC, no snowflake goes unreported. Weather!Alert! is panicking everyone with promises of 6-20 inches of snow. I might spend a weekend in my pj’s, standard behavior around here lately.

We are stocked to the rafters with food, so bring it on.

Random update from the Grinch
First off, THANK YOU

jmlove and

calturner , for the gift of snowflakes!

You bring grace to my life.
+++

Christmas is being cancelled here. I’ve already missed the CNN holiday party and baking cookies with girlfriends. Today I decided that Christmas Cards ain’t happening.

I’m to the point of punt for a lot of Christmas activities.

“I’m fine with being the only child,” my Daughter informed me from the other side of the bed. “I’m not feeling too charitable about little bro right now.”

We’ve been side-by-side in my bed since last Tuesday, when we were felled by the crud my Son brought home for Thanksgiving. I thought the huge bag of laundry was toxic. Who knew he was trying to kill us?

Scoring antibiotics at Kaiser was like entering hell. Sick people, screaming kids and lines at the RX counter. Brave people work there. The Dr said lots of kids brought the yak home for the holiday.

Kaiser gave us the medical Rx, but we have the recovery Rx: Gilmore Girls on dvd, hollering at Oprah and Dr. Phil, occasional carry out food, gallons of tea and the humidifier cranked high.

Mr. Wonderful calls us as the Toxic Twins. He can hardly wait to go to work in the mornings and happily stays late at night.

Then CNN called my Daughter to tell her that her security clearance is complete and she is promoted to a full time, benefits having, 401k employee.

As soon as she rolls off the other side of the bed, she’s launched.
+++++++

Political commentary for the 2 people who have made it this far:

Instead of being top billing for the Bowling Convention lecture circuit, Sarah Palin’s political career just got a lot more viable.

Mike Huckabee will never recover politically from pardoning Maurice Clemmons. The GOP wrote the Willie Horton blueprint decades ago.

I can again have my potential dream team – Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin. Bring on 2012! It’s gonna be awesome with awesome sauce.

Also: One tiny sliver of justice.

Be careful when you flush
A water line in the ‘hood was repaired yesterday.

I was blissfully ignorant until the middle of the night. I stumbled into the potty, did my bidness and flushed. Egads! The toilet blasted off to Mars. I shrieked. My Daughter woke up yelling. Mr. Wonderful was launched out of bed in the throes of a heart attack. It took a while for everyone to calm down.

No one needs potty drama in the dark in the middle of the night. Just sayin.

++++++

The Festival of Carbohydrate otherwise known as Thanksgiving went off without a hitch.

The airline delivered my Son home 6 hours early, sporting a miserable head cold and a truly epic duffle bag of dirty laundry. I managed to stay away from the laundry, but both my Daughter and I are now lying in bed with an astounding case of the blerghs. It’s been a great way to counteract the foodapoliza of the previous days.

Because my Daughter is the most competitive person on Earth, I can say this with malicious relish: I’m recovering faster. HA!

She counters with ‘I’m much sicker.’

It was really good to see our boy. He’s thinner and had grown an inch. He also is very unhappy at NCSA and wants to come home and attend the local community college (‘with the good film classes, Mom’). He took classes there while attending high school.

Since this strategy would save us about $24k a year for the next two years, FINE BY ME.

He can also go back to his internship, which is even sexier now because the pilot he worked on this summer got picked up by Discovery Channel.

Shameless plug: Watch ‘Monster Tracker’ Wednesday December 2 @ 10pm on Discovery.

So Mr. W is driving to North Carolina in two weeks to pick up our Son the boomerang and move him home. He is already enrolled in community college. I guess I should be sorry he’s coming back, but judging by how much we all missed him, I think I’ll just be grateful for the reprieve. Both kids will be gone forever soon enough. I just got an early Christmas gift.

Be careful when you flush.

The Daily Yank

We have an elderly couple living behind us. They are kind and affable and have a shelter rescue dog. Shadow is a mix of pit bull and chocolate lab. She is waayyy to young and energetic for them. I’m not clear on the details, but somehow my Daughter volunteered to walk the dog whenever she can.

Thus the evolution of The Daily Yank.

For a smallish dog, Shadow is strong and also really, really excited to have walks. Judging by the way my Daughter gets yanked along, her leash arm should be significantly longer. My Daughter can dig in her heels as much as she wants but she doesn’t weight enough more than Shadow to prevent being yanked around.

Mr. Wonderful loves this. He waits till our Daughter is being dragged past the house, stands on the porch and calls “who’s a good boy?” Shadow loves Mr. W, so she hauls our Daughter sputtering up the hill to get pettins. I noticed last weekend – Mr. Wonderful has started walking the dog when our Daughter is away.

Recently, I dropped by the neighbors with mail that had been mistakenly delivered to our house. Shadow was overjoyed. Cue furious wagging, happy hopping – the whole gamut of anticipatory behavior. I had bread in the oven. It broke my heart to see the disappointment. How can an animal with no language convey that much heartbreak?

I felt so guilty that I went back to walk her when the bread was done. Now I’m the one being hauled around by a badly behaved dog who lunges at bikes, yanks me across lawns when a squirrel is spotted and tries to pick a fight with every other dog who walks past. For a good-natured dog, Shadow is a two-year-old social wildebeest. She pulls so hard on her leash that she chokes.

Any guidance?

Big Chicken

Mr. Wonderful took the day off work. First off, he held my coffee cup out to me this am saying “Here Zombie. Zombie, Zombie.” Even wearing my morning crankypants, it made me laugh.

We saw the movie ‘Paranormal Activity’. He’s upstairs sleeping like a moose, all large and snore-y. I’m awake for the rest of my life.

I am such a wussy. That movie scared the shit out of me. You should have seen me when the ‘fridge made a noise just now. Phew!

I’m fine with Vamps, Zombies, Aliens etc because they aren’t real. This movie had such normal people in a normal house. I don’t think I’ve been this creeped since I was 13, babysitting and watched “Psycho” on tv. It took me a month to recover.

Sersly – even an episode of Entourage, which usually bores me into coma immediately, isn't going to lull me into sleep tonight.

I am a big chicken.

Maybe I should try Dan Browns new book.....

Moar Brains

Mr. Wonderful gets up Monday through Friday at 6am and heads to the gym. As I have mentioned dozens of times before, I abhor anything before 8am. My idea of hell is a 6am workout. There is no need for more than one 6 o’clock in any day.

Usually, as he gets up, Mr. W presses his pillow into the small of my back. I call it the heinie pillow of complete unconsciousness. I’m out for the duration.

I come to about an hour later – driven by the need for caffeine. Yesterday, I was stumbling around the kitchen, making coffee, being my usual evol morning self. Mr. W walked in the kitchen door from workout and started grinning. He irritates the hell out of me, being cheerful, first thing in the morning.

“Oh shut it,” I croaked at him.

“Moar Brains, uggnh, ” he said, pouring himself coffee, “except Zombies have more brain activity than you in the morning.”

All I could do was chug my coffee and hate him for being a cheerful morning person.

Next morning he woke me up with a pat on the arm. He had brought me a cup of coffee and the newspaper.

“Moar brains,” he groaned at me grinning. “Do you think your eyes will be pointing in the same direction by the time I need a ride to metro?”

I am the luckiest person on earth.
+++++++++++
I’ve been scurrying around Getting Ready for my trip to Korea and Thailand. My new passport came the other day. SQUEE! Passport #4 has a picture of an old lady – a marked contrast to Passport #1.

I’ve been a lot of places for work and for fun, but I don’t think I’ve ever anticipated any travel as much as this trip. It’s going to be winter in Korea and Heatstroke Central in Thailand. I was fretting about packing. It usually isn’t an issue for me, as I go by the philosophy that there is More at the Store and I can also Do Without.

Then it hit me – I could just box up some summer clothes and mail them to Miss Peg. I wouldn’t have to haul it all over Korea. Moar Brains!

I have lots more news – but for some reason these days, every time I sit down to type I get twitchy. Who knows what's up with that......

If I loved getting shots, getting ready for my trip to Korea and Thailand would be a thrill. So far this week, I’ve been poked for flu and Hepatitis A. In a few weeks it’ll be H1N1, typhoid and danang fever, plus whatever else the CDC and Kaiser decide I need. Oh joy.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, since the first round of shots I’ve been dragging my ass around behind me in a wagon. I am so tired, yo. I’m in bed by 10p every night, snoring 30 seconds later. I drag myself up in the morning and stumble around like a zombie. I chug my first cup of coffee like a caffeine brain bullet.

Ok – mornings might be my normal behavior.

I’m still moping about missing my Son, but I am unable to sustain a bad mood, misery or grudge. I realized that it isn’t just about missing my boy and all the noise – its also a huge life change. We might still be Parents, but we aren’t Mom and Dad everyday. Kids contain a lot of laughter and we miss that.

But, with my Son gone and Daughter away most weekends, I’ve discovered something long forgotten: Mr. Wonderful and Leisurely Nookie.

There is an upside to not having the kids underfoot every living minute.

A Marital Email

From Me to Mr. Wonderful......

RE: Now might be the time to remind you that you married me for better and for worse.

Ok - Laundry room is revamped and very clean.

The only casualty is the pilot light on the hot water heater. I was zooming around with the vacuum and must have sucked the flame out. I then set my bangs on fire trying to relight.

So now you have a project for when you get home.

Shut up!

Random update

First off – a shout out. After my crummy week, I met

lizziebuffy2008 for coffee on a sunny Friday afternoon. What a treat!

Channeling my inner Jane Austin (I just read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies) I can attest that she is as charming as she is convivial. 2009 speak – smart, beautiful and funny. I hope you and your hubby have a fabulous time in Paris.

It occurs to me that I’m two for two – I’ve also met

confusedkayt. Both were great experiences. Every day I am so pleased and entertained by my flist. Thanks, everyone.

OK – enough with the squee. Onward to the whining….

I have the glooms. I miss my Son – or to be more accurate, I miss the noise, the boys, the constant assault on the fridge and 6pm when he used to circle the kitchen like a shark. I feel like the family dog left behind during vacation. I’ll be glad when this mope wears off. I sure hope I am gainfully employed by the time my Daughter moves out or who knows how miserable I'll make myself. I couldn’t possibly be more annoying.

Nothing compliments gloom more than home improvement projects. Mr. W and I have just finished the marriage enhancing ritual known as "washing the mold off the vinyl siding accessible only by standing on the roof.”

I was roof guy, since I weigh less and am less important to the family economy; also because Mr. W has a height phobia. Aforementioned height phobia led Mr. W to the bright idea of tying a rope around the deck rail and clipping on a belay, then insisting my tying it around my waist for ‘ballast.’ Whatever that is.

SO in addition to scrinking around on my ass on the roof (too scary to stand up) with a long handled brush and bucket of soapy water, wearing an allergy mask over my nose and mouth because mold is my trigger for personal misery, I was wrestling with a rope.

Imagine how charming I was.

What a miserable job. My ass got chapped as hell. Hopefully we will sell our home before we need to wash the mold off again. The whole ordeal took about 3 hours which included arguments, going to Home Depo to buy rope and hauling the ladder, bucket of soapy water and hose around the house. It only seemed like eternity. Next up is drywall in the laundry room.

It might be smarter to mope.

A question for my friendslist:

Dear Awesome Flist (and anyone else who wanders by)

I have just booked a trip to Thailand in January. I have mounds of guidebooks, but it occurs to me that perhaps someone in my online universe might have 1) been 2) have advice on What Not To Miss.

So here is the question – I’m spending a week in Seoul, Korea and then a month in Bangkok. What do you recommend as Do Not Miss?

A short fannish squeeeeeee

I am on the Glee train. I am all about the Glee. Whee! Glee! What a treat.

ALSO =

Thank Gwad for Vampire Diaries. Could it possibaly be any cheesier? The Fog Machine – how I love it. Totally Smell the Fart acting – so craptastic. Quick - more screaming and running in the woods wearing high heels......

I’m doing the happy dance!

Stumbling through life

I am the Crap Fairy.

Sunday I convinced my oldest friend to hike the Billy Goat Trail. I had done the hike earlier in the summer and it was lovely. Since we usually do some type of hike a couple of times a month, I pitched it as a special treat for her birthday.

Who knew I was proposing the day from hell?

First off, the toilet paper roll holder attacked her during the pre-walk pee. Cue blood and oozing finger.

Then we embarked on the actual hike, which is strenuous. I’ve known this person for 45 years. How did I not know that she was squicked by heights? The whole damn hike is climbing along cliffs near the Potomac River.

She had such a hard time with the heights and the difficulty of the route that we had to take the emergency exit from the trail. Happy Birthday. I wasn’t trying to kill you but I suck.

After giving my oldest and dearest friend a miserable Sunday, I hit the gym Monday morning and bumped into a woman I knew in college. We haven’t seen each other for at least decade and were delighted to run into each other. We sat down for a catch-up chat.

Within minutes she brought up her college boyfriend. He and my bad boy lover had been best friends, back in the olden days.

“We should take a day,” she said, “and go visit him.”

I must have flinched.

‘What?’ she said.

My brain was doing the hamster dance because he DIED a year ago.

What is the etiquette for telling an old acquaintance that her once true love was gone while sitting in a gym lobby waving occasionally at buddies walking by?

Yeah, I didn’t know either. I just told her the truth as simply and gently as possible. It was awful for her. She left immediately. I watched her walk across the parking lot crying. Yeesh.

So early this morning, the phone rings. A good friend is hysterical. Can I come over? I got right in the car.

She was standing in her driveway crying. Her husband, who had left them 6 months ago, had just sent her an email saying it was time for a divorce.

Needless to say, she hadn’t been stoic for the children. Inside the house, her boys (6 & 11) were sobbing. School was not an option. It was time for triage.

“In honor of this craptastic day,” I told them, “you guys are staying home from school and watching Eight Legged Freaks, which is the cheesiest horror movie ever. What do you want for breakfast?”

It took a while, but I got them calmed down, fed and planted in front of the tv. I went back outside and spent the next 70 minutes listening to the sound of a heart breaking. Then I made everyone lunch.

I have never been so far out of my depth.