empresspatti ([info]empresspatti) wrote,
@ 2009-03-05 23:16:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend  Next Entry
It isn't about what's under the kitchen sink


Confession.

I am by nature a tidy, clutter free person.  Right now my house is serial killer clean.  The laundry is done.  The taxes are done.  I’ve taken care of all the IRA stuff and paid the bills for the month.  We were out of SOS scrub pads so I made a special trip to the store.  

 It wasn’t until I was cleaning the cabinet under the kitchen sink when it occurred to me that I was nervous about my surgery.  So I stomped through a puddle in the driveway, left muddy prints on my pristine floor and LEFT THE HOUSE.

 Sheesyh. 

I did have One Final Moment.  Mr. W was sound asleep when I poked him. 

“Promise me that you’ll cremate me and stash me in a Chock Full O Nuts can. Then wing me in the nearest dumpster.”

 “I promise,” he told me.  This is something I really am serious about.  If he spends any money on my funeral I will haunt him, not in the fun way, forever.

 “I would want you to get married again.”

This made him sigh loudly and roll over to face me.  “Have you picked out the person?”

“Cindy Carpolochi,” I told him.  Mr. Wonderful worked with her maybe 18 years ago.  “She was really smart, and she wanted to have a husband and family.  She’d be good to you.  You only have to wait six weeks.”

 Mr. W pulled my pillow out from under my head, laid it gently over my face and said “ok”.  We both promptly fell asleep.

 I was dropping him off at metro, cranky, per usual early morning when he told me “Six weeks would be May.” 

 I feel so much better,

 




(20 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]cindergal
2009-03-06 04:35 am UTC (link)
::dies laughing::

I love you, man! ;-)

(Reply to this)


[info]missmurchison
2009-03-06 05:04 am UTC (link)
I love this story.

(Reply to this)


[info]landrews
2009-03-06 05:06 am UTC (link)
ROTF - It took my hubby much, much longer to catch on about how tidy and non-loose ended I was about everything before my jaw surgery. About the time I told him where the wills were stashed, his lights finally came on *grin*

(Reply to this)


[info]powerofthebook
2009-03-06 05:27 am UTC (link)
Hee! At least he let you know he was listening!

(Reply to this)


[info]xc_runner50
2009-03-06 07:06 am UTC (link)
I found this story the funniest thing I've heard (or read) all day. Thank you.

(Reply to this)


[info]evilawyer
2009-03-06 07:28 am UTC (link)
It's going to all be fine. I can feel it.

Of course, planning for others is always nice, too.

(Reply to this)


[info]confusedkayt
2009-03-06 09:40 am UTC (link)
:D Everything about this was hysterical. Except, you know, for the beign super nervous part that, oh, drove the whole thing. Here's hoping all goes extraordinarily well.

(Reply to this)


[info]petzipellepingo
2009-03-06 09:47 am UTC (link)
Are you sure we can't all share Mr. Wonderful. We promise to be very good to him.

I've told Petzi Sis that I want to be cremated and sprinkled around the backyard. And no funeral as well, big waste of money.

You'll be fine, remember that all of us are rooting for you.

(Reply to this)


[info]curiouswombat
2009-03-06 09:54 am UTC (link)
A May wedding would be rather nice...!!!

Thinking of you.

(Reply to this)


[info]dorians_kitten
2009-03-06 12:13 pm UTC (link)
*hugs* I'm sure that everything will be ok. I'm glad that your nerves present themselves in such productive and...bloody hysterical ways. :)

(Reply to this)


[info]jamalov29
2009-03-06 01:05 pm UTC (link)
You always tell things in such a funny way. My best wishes for your surgery next Monday. ::hugs you ::

(Reply to this)


[info]beanbeans
2009-03-06 02:44 pm UTC (link)
Hee, you're both too funny! Although, I think that black humor saves people's sanity- we swear by it, too.

You know, you'll be glad that you did all that cleaning- you burned off a bunch of nervous energy, AND your house will be in order when you get back home post op. AND YOU WILL. *hugs* Sending good thoughts for your surgery, sweetie.

(Reply to this)


[info]chase820
2009-03-06 02:54 pm UTC (link)
Good luck, hon. Hope no remarriages are necessary!

(Reply to this)


[info]lizziebuffy2008
2009-03-06 03:26 pm UTC (link)
See, I have told my hubby pretty much the opposite. I want to be cremated as well. Then he must separate me into plastic baggies and carry me around with him. The reason for the baggies; he will 1) lose me, 2) wash me, or 3) dry clean me, so there will need to be back ups.

I also told him that should scare off any potential dates and/or wives. Hey, I'm dead, he does not get to be happy.;-)

But, seriously, I would have been very concerned if you were not a little scared. It is natural for something so big, but you are going to be fine (although probably some what ooky for a while.) Like beanbeans said, you will appreciate coming home to a spotless house. I will be thinking good thoughts for you.

(Reply to this)


[info]enigmaticblues
2009-03-06 03:31 pm UTC (link)
I'm glad you have that settled. (But don't die!)

(Reply to this)


[info]herself_nyc
2009-03-06 04:03 pm UTC (link)
Ha. I kind of love you both for that conversation.

(Reply to this)


[info]red_sunflower
2009-03-06 06:42 pm UTC (link)
Good luck with your surgery, will be sending good vibes your way.

(Reply to this)


[info]boschette
2009-03-07 03:32 am UTC (link)
I love you and your posts. And best of luck with the surgery.

(Reply to this)


[info]ssddgr
2009-03-07 01:51 pm UTC (link)
Awww *hugs* dont' be so worried, it's routine procedure for surgeons! I'm sure everything will be ok!

(Reply to this)


[info]ozma914
2009-03-08 08:44 am UTC (link)
Coincidentally, Emily and I had a discussion just yesterday about what should be done when we passed away. We both want to be cremated: she wants to be poured into pepper shakers across the country, as a kind of one last practical joke. I want to be blown into the faces of all the people I've always disliked. Every time they get an itchy nose or something in their eye, they'll think of me.

(Reply to this)


(20 comments) - (Post a new comment)

Create an Account
Forgot your login or password?
Login w/ OpenID
English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…