It went like this:
“Have you seen what Dad is wearing today?”
All I could do is sigh. “Yup – but he’s been dressing himself for 50+ years.”
This is partially true. I buy all his socks, underwear and shirts. Mr. W will not shop unless his pants have holes in the crotch and his shoes are flapping on his feet. I flat out refuse to buy his pants or shoes because you have to try them on first and ZOMG I’m not buying & taking back to the store you asshole.
Finally, a few months ago, pissed because I HATE SHOPPING and I also have better things to do than find (the only thing he wears, ever, besides red CNN T shirts) all cotton short-sleeved shirts with a front pocket.
So I struck back. I bought 6 of the most hideous plaid shirts, with pearly snap buttons at Kmart and put them in his closet.
He noticed, but didn’t particularly care. Off he went to work, where he supervises a large staff and meets heads of state on a regular basis, dressed in his krappy jeans and nightmare shirt.
Gentle reader – my phone rang all day with former CNN colleagues asking me “Are you mad at Tom or did he lose a bet?”
Daughter put it better “He looks like a homeless person.”
So – two weeks ago we had a very Marriage Enhancing Moment complete with Epic Shopping Discussion as I goose marched him into Joseph A Banks and made him spend $1,100 on 3 shirts, 3 pairs of pants and a sports jacket. It’s a start. Our marriage survived, abet with fuming all around. Although Mr. W doesn’t know it yet, we are going back once the credit card cools off.
Then we kept Monster the Wonderbunny for 2+ weeks as Daughter and SIL cruised the Aegean. Monster liked the new shirt too:
How did Monster even manage to chew this $46 shirt? AND the credit card bill hasn’t even come yet. ARRUUUGGHHHH!