empresspatti (empresspatti) wrote,


There is one more chapter in the I LOVE YOU story. Mr. Wonderful doesn’t need to know. 


I can tell it here; he also doesn’t know I have a blog. 


In a truly revolting development, my cousin the travel writer http://calminghobbes.blogspot.com/ discovered Empresspatti. 


He sent me an email recently: Dare I ask why you’ve been hiding Empresspatti from me?


I wrote back and said I hadn’t told anyone.   He’ll keep my secret. 


It squicks me because he’s a professional writer with a truly fine intellect.  I think I had him fooled, before he found the blog. 


Now he knows what you guys know – I have no brain at all.


Last night – as the last 10 hilarious minutes of Studio 60 were playing, Mr. Wonderful came up and said, “I’ve found a new way to irritate you.”


“Seems like the regular way,” I said, smacking him out of my line of sight with the South of the Border backscratcher, “interrupting and scratching your belly.”


“I’m scratching counter-clockwise tonight,” he told me happily.  “I usually scratch clockwise.”



Meandering back to the point....

I peeled out of the parking lot after my temper tantrum, secure in the knowledge that he loved me.  It made me furious and all I wanted to do was go home and eat something. 


Those days, I had a 74 Volkswagen Karman Ghia.  Its maximum speed was 55 if I put it in neutral going down a big hill.  Imagine my joy and delight when the nice policeman pulled me over.


My blood was boiling in rage, I was hungry, he was a really cute policeman.  This was my most special day ever.  “WHAT!!” I snapped at him.


“I caught the show in the parking lot,” he told me.  “And now you’re speeding.  I think you should calm down.”


I glared for a while.  Cute cop stood there.  Finally I leaned back on the headrest and said, “I was so angry, I think my brains melted out my ears.  He’s prolly running for the hills right now.”


“Nah,” said the cop, “he said he loves you.  Pretty girls throwing spectacular hissy fits in public are irresistible.”


We looked at each other some more.  “Uh, Thanks?”  I ventured.


“You should blow you nose.  Now give me your drivers license and registration.”


I laughed and blew my nose.  He came back in a few minutes and handed me a warning.  “You can just imagine where I want to put this.” I told him. 


He smiled at me and said, “You two will make each other miserable for years.”


I drove away thinking that if Mr. Wonderful dumped me because I was crazy, I’d definitely stalk the cop.

Tags: do you love me redux
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