Overheard a few weeks ago: My Son and his friend B talking about “The Four.” I almost missed it, because it’s so scary to be in the kitchen when the boys are rampaging.
I thought they were talking about arch villains. Then I realized they were talking about something that happened in school.
“Wait, wait, wait” I interrupted, “are you talking about girls?” Chomping, chewing and head butting stopped as they fixed me with identical long-suffering, pitying looks.
A lesser Mom would have been quelled, but I put myself between them and the chips and used my advantage.
My Son clammed up immediately. The friend started to giggle through his sandwich. “What?” I said, “there are chocolate chip cookies in your future if you spill.”
“E-man thinks his stalkers all share the same brain” the Friend offered me.
My Son jumped right in. “It’s a very small brain. They think they rule the school, but now they leave me alone,” He was getting red. Good thing I used the cookie bribe.
“And why is that?” I thought I knew, but if words were happening, I wanted to get as many as I could.
“Because he has a girlfriend who can kick their asses,” Friend told me. He took a look at my Son and added hastily, “I mean, she’s smart and pretty. The Four don’t mess with her.”
(Note: I have never seen The Girlfriend as my Son has assured me that he would rather face fiery death than introduce her to the family. *Sigh*)
A few days later, there was an interminable meeting about The London Class Trip at school. I was on the lookout for the girlfriend. She wasn’t part of the group that was going. But there in the classroom were The Four.
They were wonderful. Imagine Harmony cubed, with dark hair. They all had the predator thing going for them, plus chomping gum, with a side of sneering boredom, interspersed with petulance. They prolly graded each other on Coach Purse inventory. Since they weren’t my girls, I was vastly amused.
[**HOWEVER, if my kid had huddled with friends, ignoring the teacher and acting bored I would have done two things immediately.
First, I would have raised my hand and announced loudly how proud I was of my little offspring and that I loved them very much. That should put an immediate ki-bosh on elevated social status. Second, I would have marched kid home and given them more menial chores than they could do in this lifetime, to rid myself of sneering, petulant boredom. **]
Why do Parents allow their kids to act like that, esp to Teachers? But I digress
“How are you doing to avoid The Four on the London trip?” I asked my Son on the way home.
“No prob, Mom. I’m in Mr. B’s (his uber-cool history teacher and baseball coach) group. They’ll be in another group, far, far away.”
I felt so sorry for Mr. B that I immediately cut him a check. “You and your new wife should have a lunch on us” I told him, “to escape the kids. Your new wife is a saint for going with you, being a civilian and all.”
“So”, I asked Mr. B, seeing him before my Son was cleared from customs when they returned. “How were my Son’s stalkers?”
Mr. B laughed. “He’s real good at ignoring them without being too offensive. It’s a fine line to manage. He can even ignore the boys teasing him about it. He threatens them with you.”
“Yeah,” I told him. “I could take away refrigerator privileges.”