empresspatti (empresspatti) wrote,

Birds do it. Bees do it. Seniors do it.


Mr. W’s Mom – last seen when she was here in 2006 for months recovering from a heart valve replacement and subsequent blood stream infection, has fallen in luuuvvvvvve.


She found Jim on eHarmony.  He is a retired Methodist minister.  This is a miracle because my MIL is almost computer illiterate.  For her to figure out eHarmony on dial-up meant she was powerfully motivated.


We had the conversation in March.  She was visiting with the purpose of getting her taxes done.  Since the accountant had promised a refund I was taking her to Costco to buy a HD flat screen.  She waited till we were defying death in traffic on the Beltway.


“I’ve joined eHarmony,” she told me.  “I’m interested in finding a boyfriend.”


“What about Vern?” I asked her.  Vern is a widower in her retirement ‘hood that she had been ‘seeing’.


“Vern isn’t interested in a physical relationship.” I was informed.


“Are you telling me that you are trolling the Internet for sex?” I sputtered, dodging trucks.   “You waited till I was driving in killer traffic so I couldn’t strangle you, yes?”  She had. 


MIL hadn’t put parameters on her search, so she got hits from Canada to Mexico.  She admitted that most of them were ‘icky’.  She swore she would not EVER meet anyone until she had talked to me. 


Then I relaxed because she was spending May in Montana, far from home and out of the danger zone.  I knew she’d never figure out anyone else’s computer while on vacation.


So she met Jim online in June, and presented him to the assembled family about a week ago.  We were all in Pa at Mr. W’s sister’s home in the woods.  Jim made a beeline to me.


“What can I do to make you comfortable with me?”  He asked nicely. 


“How about your social security number and drivers license?”  Mr. W’s sister, who is very Earthshoe and Quaker, was horrified.  I wasn’t really kidding.


Jim, my MIL and I ended up having a very long discussion.  He lives 4 hours away from my MIL and believes in the sanctity of marriage.


“You’ve known each other for 15 minutes so don’t tell me you are getting married.  God doesn’t care if 77 year olds have sex in committed relationships,” I countered.  “Plus, who has an orifice that pops out $100k so one of you can change retirement communities?”


My Sister-in-Law’s eyes rolled up in her head and she marched off.  Sorry, but someone has to be the adult and no one else was stepping up.


Bottom line – they are going to spend every possible minute they can together and shelve the marriage talk for 2008.  Money is an issue even in true love.   Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I really like Jim.  To see my MIL so happy and healthy is amazing.  My Sister-in-Law may never speak to me again.  Le sigh……..

Tags: birds do it. bees do it. seniors do it.
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