I told Mr. Wonderful “Your Indian Name would be He Who Scratches.”
“Oh Phleeze”, he scoffed, “Yours would be Snores Like Thunder. Or maybe Kills by Farting.”
That made me huffy. “I’ve been on antibiotic forever. It upsets my stomach. My name should be She Who Eats Beano to Protect Her Family.”
Remember when Mom made us call her “Your Serene Highness?” my Daughter asked.
“Oh yeah” said my Son. “What was that about?”
“I got sick of hearing Mooommmm all the time. Then you called me Serene Highness at work one day and the entire bureau called me that for a year.”
“It was funny to hear on the overhead” Mr. W said. “Your Serene Highness, please come to the newsroom.”
We all laughed.
“You wanted to be Fair Rose when you were four,” I told my Daughter. “ I’d stand on the porch and yell ‘Fair Rose, come in for dinner’ or ‘Fair Rose, don’t you dare bite your brother’ for an entire summer.”
My Son wanted to know what his Indian name was.
“Outside the family it would be Girls Slobber Over,” I told him. “But around here it’s He Who Eats Nonstop or maybe, He Who Bangs Drums.”
“What girls?” asked Mr. W.
“Jeeze Louise” I told him. “You were sitting on the couch Saturday when a whole herd of them walked past. You really are Oblivion Man.”