empresspatti (empresspatti) wrote,
empresspatti
empresspatti

Apologies in advance

 Life is uncertain and people can’t be replaced. I’m a serious, sad person tonight.

Mr. Wonderful was beat when I picked him up from Metro. He’s having a rough life. Besides the usual CNN crazy, he’s lost two Uncles and a beloved childhood mentor recently.

Just for the record, all three men had extraordinary, full and joyful lives. They were loved. Their passing will be sincerely mourned. I don’t think it gets any better than that in this life.

But Mr. W is sad, tired and worn out. We are both feeling haunted these days.

Last Saturday night Mr. W, our Son and I attended a band party.
Historical note: Mr. W used to play with my BFF’s husband in a band called The Jerritrix. It was fun being the wife of a rock star.

But we are at That Age. Rhythm and bass guitar’s Momma’s had a swift decline into Alzheimer’s. Between full time jobs and Momma’s, there was no time for fun.

Mr. W missed playing. He answered an ad on Craigslist and found a nice group of guys in need of a drummer. Cue happiness all around – he has people to play with. His drum set is no longer in the basement getting pounded on at regular intervals by whatever boy is home. Fine by me.

New band is a tight knit group of guys who have been friends since high school. I was a stranger under scrutiny, being introduced to a lot of people & their kids that have known each other for years.

The setting couldn’t have been more lovely – an old farmhouse on huge acreage. It was a beautiful night, complete with stars and fireflies. I had a front row seat when the band began to play.

It took two songs to hit me with a taser shock of recognition. Lead guitarist was the very physical image; right down to the way he played and sang, as a friend I lost right after college. He had been the best friend of my bad boy boyfriend.

My college romance, this good friend, remembered grief and the present crashed together in my brain. Suddenly I realized that the rock star, my bad boy boyfriend and the third musketeer, another good friend had all died in various August’s of the past.

It surprised me, how fresh all that old grief felt. I pleaded teenager (Son had enjoyed himself but was willing to get back to his friends) and bolted home.

Not my best moment, socially or martially. I pretty much flunked the band girlfriend test. Mr. W played till 3am and slept in a pup tent. He doesn’t recover from overnight fun like he used to.

He’s been exhausted and stressed. I’ve been haunted.

Yesterday, driving to Reading Pa and back for the latest funeral, made for a long day. I was really glad our Son was with us, for the joy of his company and the fact that he drove most of the day. We felt old and sad.

It was very good to get a full nights sleep.


Tags: the haunting
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