empresspatti (empresspatti) wrote,

Epic Ailments and a Wedding Dress

Wednesday I came home from a pitiful workout, sat down on the couch and woke up hours later lightheaded. I was having miserable abdominal cramps. I didn’t feel any better Thursday, so I called Kaiser.

My Dr poked, prodded and thumped my stomach. Everything hurt. Then they took blood and had me pee in a cup. Finally, I was sent for an abdominal x-ray. To my relief, the tech was the same woman who always does my mammograms.

“Gurrrlll,” she said to me, waving the film, “this picture is going on our wall of fame.”

“What is wrong with me?” I asked her, alarmed. I was miserable and visions of my bowels obstructed by flaming golf balls seemed reasonable.

“Epic constipation!! You are backed up to your tonsils! What HAVE you been doing?”

So now I’m on a diet of fiber, applesauce and prune juice. One cup twice a day, plus gallons of water.


I staggered home from Kaiser, relieved that Mr. W had band practice. I could just go to bed.

The back door swung open and my Daughter shouted “HELLO”

She and Greg came in, followed by Mr. Wonderful, who was grinning.

“We’re engaged!” She waved a very pretty ring in my face and proceeded to bubble with joy. Little Bro came in and we had a big ol family moment with the laughter and teasing.

Then the happy couple went out to dinner, Mr. W headed to band practice and my Son departed to do fun college things. I staggered to bed, snoring through Vampire Diaries.

My Daughter was back Friday morning. No matter how miserable, I wasn’t sitting around hoping to poo. We went to David’s Bridal so she could try on big poofy, cake topper dresses.

The place was empty, our clerk was a Sweetheart and once my girl finished trying on dresses that looked like Gone with the Wind…

There it was – the perfect, beautiful dress. It fit like a dream, looked stunning and was on sale. We both got teary and then we bought it.

Even epic constipation can really be fun.
Tags: epic ailments and a wedding dress
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